What is grief to me?
One of our therapists, Alexia Eller, LMSW is giving insight on firsthand experience dealing with immediate loss in the eyes of adults, adolescents, and families alike. In her professional roles as a therapist and crisis social worker, Alexia has had the honor of supporting individuals of all ages through the crisis stages of grief and loss and shares some of her experiences and perspectives below.
What is grief?
Some say it is deep sorrow specifically caused by someone’s passing. Some say it’s the powerful emotion of separation to something of importance. And some can categorize it as a gnawing internal pain from your heart that overtakes your body. All of these could be true for anyone.
Elizabeth Pomeroy suggests in her published work, “On Grief and Loss,” that social workers deal with issues of grief and loss in both our professional and personal lives. Grief is multidimensional when it comes to losing something or someone of such great importance to you.
Michael R. Kelly states that “the new significance of a world with the pervasive absence that is the world without the beloved,” is the temporary meaning of grief to someone when their loved one passes on.
All humans can experience different traumatic responses to grief such as denial, distress, anxiety, anger, periods of sadness, loss of sleep and appetite, and states of depression. Let me tell you that being there for people immediately after a hard loss is muggy water, but it is rewarding to be the go-between when their brain is working hard to understand what just happened.
Watching a young child handle the unexpected passing of her older brother and try to be a rock for her mother and navigating the system of first responders is tough. Helping the child remember she is a child and that she needs to be herself at that moment, take a breath and feel her emotions through the process of losing her brother is important. Just as it is for the mother to do so. This is the task of grief work.
When someone you love passes away, expected or unexpected, it is difficult. Grief consumes you and makes you want to see things as a glass half empty type of situation, and understandably so. As a therapist and social worker, the key is to help the clients navigate through their emotions of sadness and hurt, process what happened, provide information and support, and pinpoint positives. The goal of the therapist is not to fix the grief as if it never happened, but rather to help you work through the pain and get your life back on track.
With the help of a therapist, you can learn to process the grief and assess your life through a different lens while you honor the passing of your loved one. Whether you are a child or an adult, sometimes being in this spot makes your head swirl with memories of your loved one, things you shouldn’t have said, wishful thinking of “what ifs,” and that is okay. You need to allow yourself to feel emotions and give yourself some grace. Just because someone has passed on, does not mean that they are no longer here or a part of your life.
By: Alexia Eller, LMSW
Are you interested in processing your emotions and grief so that it no longer feels like it’s overtaking you? Is depression stemming from trauma and loss keeping you feeling stuck? Our Arlington, TX-based counseling office and our team of therapists (including Alexia Eller, author of this article) are equipped to help both in person and with online therapy services. We would love to connect with you!
