5 Steps to Help Teens Handle Real-World Stress:

Today, one of our therapists, Alexia Eller, LMSW is giving an overview of how teens experience hard times in their lives and how to be there for them when they need support and validation. 

Let’s be honest, teens are HARD. They can be happy one minute and moody the next. They have so much going on in their heads from school pressure, extracurricular activities, peer pressure, home life, part-time jobs, and what their future will look like. I mean think back to when you were a teen, not the best of times with puberty and feeling like the world is against you. 

Teens need security in stable relationships and that can be shown through a few tips below on how to talk to your teenager when dealing with all the things; teen dating violence, school violence, peer pressure, substances and alcohol, bullying, mental health and much more. As a parent or guardian who feels like they need a reset on their communication styles with their teen, this blog is for you!

Here are 5 tips for creating a safe space for your teenager to talk to you:

Step 1 - Control your reactions!

As humans, sometimes we can’t control our facial expressions when we hear things that baffle us. However, as a guardian, it is best practice to be a sounding board and just listen. Facial expressions when they are divulging into something that is affecting their life whether positive or negative can be viewed as judgmental. So if they think you are judging them, they will stop coming to you for support.

Step 2 - Listen!

Being a good listener shows respect and that you have no judgment even if you don't necessarily agree with what is being shared. The safe space creates not feeling like if they share, they will be interrogated by what is happening in their life. Asking or stating reflection statements like “I think I heard you say ____________” can help eliminate any confusion on both sides and may allow them to share more details to clarify their own thoughts.

Step 3 - The alarmed parent needs to go away!

As a parent, you may want to scream or jump into action because you think your teen is in trouble. Take a breath, your kid wants to speak to you about something bothering them whether it be about meeting a new girl they might want to take on a date or hearing about an after-hours party where there was alcohol and drugs. If Johnny went to a soccer game and went to a friend’s house after where there was underage drinking and he had an option of calling you to come to get him home safely or driving home intoxicated, which would you prefer? It is important to be the parent that is safe enough to ask for help.

Step 4 - Verbal punishments by parents are powerful.

Teens feel like their whole world is crashing down if they are not doing well in something they are passionate about like academics, band, or sports. If they come to you and say “I studied for hours for this math exam and got a 76, I’m a failure,” you would want them to know that they tried their hardest in preparing for a test and are proud of them regardless. Because in 10 years, what are the odds that that math exam will be the reason why they are successful in their career path?? Rude words are like sharp knives to a teen’s self-esteem, and it takes many more positive affirming responses to start to drown out or offset even one negative or hurtful one.

Step 5 - Simple statements, big impact.

Simple statements to your teens may be all they need to feel safe, validated, heard, and also provide some parental feedback. Criticism is not fun to hear, especially when you are in the midst of hormones. Teens’ intuition about simple statements can make a big impact on their self-image. As stubborn as they may be, they care about your opinion. Avoid comments of “it’s not that bad, no need to cry,” and “the boy you are dating now won’t be around when you go to college, don’t let it influence your decision making.” Instead, reassure them that they are valued and their life dilemmas are important to you as well. 

As a parent, these are just some tools to put in your toolbox to have a more open dialogue with your teen. Your teen may not want to run to you every time they have a problem, but these tips may go a long way when it comes to them trusting you with risky situations and their personal safety. Be the parent they want to talk with.

By: Alexia Eller, LMSW

Are you interested in learning more about teen therapy or how therapy may be able to better support your teen, contact us today? In our Arlington, TX-based counseling office, our team of therapists (including Alexia Eller, author of this article) is equipped to help both in person and with online therapy services. We would love to connect with you whether it is to help guide you as a parent with these concerns or give your teen a safe space to talk!